dilemma

I sit here an hour past my bedtime, again, not having any work graded. I’m currently telling myself over and over again: “You can wake up early and grade, or do it when you’re supposed to – during your prep. periods”. This statement is a lie.

The real conflicts have inched their way into my brain and heart during the past week: to teach or not to teach? Graduate school is a mandatory option and what I once thought was a glorious and wonderful prospect to study a passion and joy, it, like so many other things in this world has been tainted by money. The fact that I have to pay another ridiculous amount of money to further my happiness in education now makes me equate some worth to a major. So do I want to invest and further my profession or my happiness?

The latter surely entails much greater risk as there is no sure guarantee of gain. However, the prospect of happiness in profession does seem to overshadow risk in its entirety… and here the funnel starts. The cycle of Ifi’mgoingtospendmoneydoitonsomethingamazing but on the other hand there’snotguaranteethatanotherwillbringmorehappinessthanthecurrent and then there’s the whole Ihaven’tgiventhisteachingthingitsproperchance and I’mstillyoung and ifIdon’tteachherethanwhere and so forth and so on. Currently I am set on: I haven’t given this teaching thing its proper chance. Its proper time and place to be exact. And now that word “place” opens another plethora of thought and I digress.  Much musings will have to wait because sleep and rest beckon.

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