Alone, trekking my way up an uptown street in the dark speckled by city lights. Cargo bag on my back, two, bulky, black camera bags both hung on adjacent sides of my abdomen. Breaths lost, panting. My mind racing with thoughts – do I go to Gethsemane, or don’t I? I’m not going to Vision Conference so there is no inherent need to go, no money or registration form to hand in- I go. My back hurts.
On the way are others. Other faithfuls whose decisions are made, who, in confidence, walk the way in which they know is true and I know them, walk along beside them, still separate. In and out. Somehow we end up filing back into P.S. 111 when one offers to help me with my load. I kindly refuse – it’s okay, I can handle it – all while I am out of breath and as sweat condenses into the wrinkles of my palms and forehead. Sit down.
wake up and back to sleep
I am now found in a water park, sun shining, water clear as it can be. I am in an episode of 모한도전. We are all in yellow, inflatable rafts, in groups and the task is to row ourselves to the end where we will reunite with 유재석 and crew. The comedy crew has already left on their raft leaving the rest behind where 노홍쳘 is also left behind. The focus shifts on him. He exits his raft into the water and starts a solitary trek by foot through the waterway. It’s a shallow, up to his waste, but we all know that trying to walk through water is inefficient and a waste of energy – he walks the entire way. He starts at a large pool and makes his way into a narrow path that winds around larger pools of water. Other people are emptying out of slides in adjacent pools. There’s laughter and swimming and he still continues to walk and push forward. Fear.
He sees a dolphin in the pool. A creature that is seemingly friendly but there is still fear. He’s seen dolphins on TV but never in real life and as it swim passes him sideways, eyes meet and the dolphin swims past. Hesitation is put past and the dolphin passes multiple times back and forth. He finally gets to a part in the waterway where he can see the rest of his crew sitting on some steps, smiling, and asking why in the world he would get off the raft and walk the way…
It’s rare that my mind will swim it’s way back to the obscure consciousness during rest. I understand where this dream came from. KCCC was fresh in my mind. One person had asked me if I was going to Vision trip. Previously, I wasn’t sure but I was basically thinking about going. As I thought more during the past week or so, I realized how much rest was needed for me and that Vision Conference would be well… unrest.
After waking from this dream it made me think… is my load to heavy for me to handle? is my load too personal for me to share? am I being too stubborn?
I tend not to take things for granted…I believe in the thoughts that God places through divine intervention and could this be one? Is God telling me that I won’t find out what I ponder now if I don’t go to Vision?