This is a rhetorical question to which I already have an answer – sort of. I know I cannot possibly ask this of my parents who have already sacrificed so much. Yet I find myself screaming to the abyss of my own thoughts saying: WHY CAN’T I JUST BE 23? Isn’t this the time where I live it up, socialize with friends, be responsible for myself and my own finances and not my parents’ finances as well? I followed the steps:

1) Go to a stellar school (NYU!)
2) Graduate on time
3) Get a job
4) Work from home
5) Get an apartment
6) Pay rent, bills and loans

What more do I owe? Haven’t I done all this so somehow I would have a life for myself? Now – Now I find that I owe others everything, but what about what the world owes me? I think I’ve done what society expects of me but now society and family clash.

Answer: The world owes me nothing (to quote Twain). The frustration of having the burden that I did not expect to be so quickly mine is real, but I press on. In a time where I’m still figuring out my own future prospects this financial pickle is definitely a thorn pressing against my heel. No point in complaining about it. Take it out and move on.

I am proud that I am able to say this so confidently, yet somewhat embarrassed because I had to ask my coworker/mentor what the big deal about tenure actually was. It doesn’t seem that anyone can give me a concrete answer about this but all say: you can’t get fired and it basically gives you job security.

My next question: How does one get tenure and when does one get offered this title?
You get tenure after your third year of teaching in a school (so I’m told).

And now back to why I wrote my initial sentence… Clearly, from the rants I’ve written on this here blog, I am not the happiest camper in my current environment. Next year would be the year I would be offered tenure and that is apparently a “big deal”, but not for me. Because as great as tenure is supposed to be, it does not give me an ounce of reason to stay. What good is tenure at a school that you cannot grow and despise to work at? It’s a false commitment.

Am I crazy in thinking that it is much more worth it to seek better and more for myself? Doesn’t this trump job security? Happiness?

Hmm… my tenure thoughts aren’t final. Seeking advice.

Today’s meeting at work went against all my personal, moral, ethical philosophies as an educator as the leading figurehead of our school started talking about branding. The gist of it all: the success of our school is like promoting a brand (followed by activities centered around our thoughts about places like McDonald’s, Disney, Domino’s, the Giants, as well as some school paraphernalia). 

1. Is this how our tax dollars are being spent? By getting fancy things with our school name on it?
2. Since when was my school leader an expert in marketing and advertising?
3. Since when did education become a brand?

This analogy fails to address the issue that most adults already know. That marketing and most positive connotations that go alongside a brand stem from a heavily manipulative system. Are we saying we, as teachers and educators, are “buying into” the same route of deception and skewed perception? I do not want to ride this train and will not. Was I wrong for thinking that in today’s public education society, one role and responsibility I had as a teacher was to humanize an inhumane system? One of the biggest grievances of the Ed. System is that it follows a business model. Though I admit, to create a large and vast, complex system of education needs a lot of similarities… teachers and educators are not business people. 

How can I be okay in a system that so largely places the benefits and advantages on those that it does not service?

I became Principal McGee, but instead of the taps on the shoulder I whip out my Blackberry. I proceed to find my flashlight app (downloaded originally for Hurricane Irene) and shined my light upon the shameless bodies pelvic thrusting at each other. “Separate, Separate!”, “If you need to use the wall for help, you’re not dancing”, “dance on the dance floor”. Just a few of the various lines I used today.

However.

Despite all of this I will cling to the memory of seeing an 11th grade boy ask a freshman girl if she would like to dance-with gentile heart and chivalry. Then to see the girl recoil with squeals of embarrassment and happiness back into her crowd of friends. To the effort that all the seniors put into decorating their section of the gym and winning the competition tonight.

Homecoming was definitely traumatizing but not a lost cause… I guess.

Logic says that we should then proceed to reform our system, starting at the root of it all, but current actions show the illogical approach: reform at the end. Change the high schools- break up big schools, have quality reviews, publish teacher evaluations, have high school report cards with threat of “failure”. Oh yes, and we are held to these oh so acceptable standards and assessments AFTER foundations are already set in our students, after routines are set, after socialization skills are set, which society assumes is naturally happening. So when kids show up to my class not knowing the difference between a noun and verb, not knowing how to raise their hand or how to sit down with a notebook, how to keep a notebook or how to write down their homework society screams: REFORM THE HIGH SCHOOLS?